Self soothing

"What does self-soothing look like for you when the world is on fire? What is bringing you ease in the doom and gloom?" Denai Moore

Generally speaking self soothing can be accomplished for me by going for a walk, but today my walk ended with me feeling somewhat glum, because I had allowed various dismal thoughts to enter my brain. The photograph above is not taken on one of my usual walks - I think it was taken at the RACV Inverloch resort - or nearby anyway - and I am indeed looking a bit glum. I have lots of photographs of me looking glum - I am not a good photography subject. But it was a walk, and that one was definitely soothing.

Anyway, still feeling glum I sat down at my computer, dealt with my emails, and left for last a Substack newsletter from VIttles - a British foodie magazine, that has many interesting articles, and to which I was directed - sort of ironically - by Deb Perelman of Smitten Kitchen.

The article, this time, was called The world is rubbish, so I make sandwiches for my friends and was written by somebody called Denai Moore - with this very over the top sandwich as it's lead-in photograph. It's actually two sandwiches of course, because as the article goes on to explain, she has adopted making complicated sandwiches to eat with just one friend as her way of coping with a loss of enthusiasm for food and a general dismay at the state of the world, and also perhaps how she is living her life. The words at the top of this page were her opening words too and they struck such a chord with me that, not only did I read on, but I also wandered off into her world, sandwiches, and some internal musings on how I could - and sometimes do - self soothe.

So first, whilst I really gather my thoughts on the deeper issues this raised for me, a bit about Denai Moore.

She is a British, singer and chef, born in Jamaica but whose family moved to the UK when she was 10. She grew up in the East End of London. She began as a singer/musician, but at some point set up a stall in an East End market selling Jamaican food. in 2015 she became vegan and set up a supper club called Dee's Table - the name of her own website. She also has an Instagram account and there became known as the Sando Queen.

In 2017 she published a cookbook called Plentiful which Nigella, for one, praised to the skies, choosing the dish shown here - Crispy rice salad with crunchy green vegetables and salted cashews to try, which, I have to say, does look pretty tempting - even to a non and ever so slightly anti vegan - like me. Indeed hardly any of her recipes that I have seen, look or sound very vegan. Besides I guess if there is false meat in them - and she mostly tries to avoid such things - then if you are non vegan you can always substitute real meat. Three examples below: Oyster mushroom bulgogi sando; Callaloo gözleme and Sorrel hoisin fried 'chicken' burger

I'm not really a sandwich maker. Indeed I never even really made sandwiches for my children when they were going to school - well they didn't like them. Maybe because I didn't make good ones. Lately however, as I grapple with my tasty but messy simple open sandwiches of banana, tomato or sardines I have been thinking that I should be more experimental. I might even used up some of those lurking pickles on the top shelf of my fridge. Now Denai Moore is a chef, and is using the whole process to soothe and restore her creativity, and so she spends a lot of time on them. But she does - at the end of the article - give a set of ideas/instructions/tips - call them what you will - on how to construct a good sandwich. Others have done this too - Nigel Slater and Ottolenghi spring to mind, so I really should get experimenting. Well she does say that 'anything can be a sandwich'

However the real reason for the complicated sandwiches is that:

"this inconvenient, clear-my-whole-schedule, all-consuming kind of sandwich-making brought me out of my creative drought – and, most importantly, back to myself. All the residual hope that I have for a tender world is still being held together by these sandwiches."

And then this:

"Like most people, I spend far too much time online, more than I care to admit. The internal pull and tug of guilt, shame, dread and fear just feels like the baseline of daily life now. Coffee with a headline that you wish you could just un-read immediately, before you have to get on with your day like nothing is happening. Deranged stories of pop stars going to space for ten seconds and dating former prime ministers are interspersed with live-streamed footage of the Gaza genocide, now into its third year, and global-warming-induced natural disasters. I feel like I have no choice but to scream/tweet/cry in rage/cry from sadness all at once, and all my friends feel equally helpless too. While the sandwich making has saved me, it’s community and friendship that are really keeping me here."

Which brought me back to my sad musings of today which had been mostly about community and friendship and how one's groups of friends, and communities change over the years and how easy it is to let them go. Also - because a lot of my thinking is focussed on what I can write about next - on how food was important or not to those groupings, and if there was any what was it? - I became somewhat depressed about how superficial some of my today groupings are in comparison to those in time past. Age - not just mine - has made it more difficult somehow to gather people together for the warm hug of a meal together, even just a drink and some nibbles.

Should I make sandwiches? Well no - I don't think sandwiches really are my thing. Quiches maybe, even soup, but then she also said "Your story is what makes your food authentic to you,"

Now I need to find what is my story. Do I even have one? Or what does that mean?

It was a thought-provoking read - for me anyway, because there were aspects of me in what she was saying - mostly about how we cope with the world we live in, as well as inspiring me to have anothe go at sandwiches. I must research the bread possibilities - "arguably the most important factor" - and then just open the fridge, rummage and make something inspiring - that's mine. Maybe it will cheer me up. The most important thing is to find the self-soothing aspect of my life and go for it.

POSTSCRIPT

Before I put that Coles Magazine aside I flicked through again and found near the end another newish way they are presenting their products. I think the magazines used to end with a round up of new products they wanted to bring to our attention. Now we have these linked pages and boxes throughout the publication, not to mention the plethora of Coles ingredients in the recipes - until you get to near the end, and you have this double spread advertising some of their products, under the heading of 1-ingredient flavour upgrades. Slightly more subtle and definitely more lavish in the layout over their previous page of random products, with no recipes attached. Not that these are really recipes - but at least they are starting points for the products. Clever stuff.

THE FRIDGE CLEAROUT - My immediate focus of clearing out all the leftovers from the holiday season is almost done - only the ham remains. Last night the stew I made with some sausages, beans and various bits and pieces from the fridge were made into an omelette - which is perhaps another one of my signature dishes, one I jokingly call a rubbish omelette. So I'm giving this a rest for now and will focus more closely on one of those hidden jars now and then.

YEARS GONE BY

January 22

2025 - Nothing

2024 - Pi or pie? - maths in the food curriculum I should return to the food curriculum. It's been a while - the kitchen tour as well.

2023 - Party life

2022 - Is your freezer your friend or enemy?

2021 - Missing

2020 - Compromise

2019 - Nothing

2018 - Nothing

2017 - Going unwaxed