A disconnect in taste

"Expectation is everything" reddit

I'm not sure that I shall have much to say on this, but it was such a curious experience that I thought it worth at least thinking about a little bit.

My lovely husband serves me breakfast in bed every day. Well a cup of coffee and something with jam - toast, crumpet, croissant ... or occasionally some toasted fruit bread or a hot cross bun.

So today it was the turn of the crumpet - with jam - but I was confronted by a very odd taste when I bit into it. Indeed I even felt a tiny bit sick - which is not that unusual for me. I'm not a morning person.

I feared it was the small amount of the jam I made the other day from leftover fruits in the fridge, and that it had really not turned out well. I also feared that he had picked a 'new' jar of jam, and that it had been a jar of fig jam that a friend had given me (more of that later). But no, when I plucked up the courage to ask him what he had served, he went away to look and came back most apologetic, because it had been from a half consumed jar of Green tomato chutney. I found it just now, for some strange reason sitting on the apples in the fridge. I don't know where it was when he picked it out. He just said he thought it was jam, so at the time it was probably where the 'current' jam is kept - in the door.

A very coincidental thing about this is that the other day when my niece, her husband and 4-year old son came to pick up my sister, they stayed for lunch - a bread and cheese kind of thing plus sausage rolls. Which I had made mostly for the 4-year old, but he rejected them and asked for bread and jam - pointing at the two chutneys I had put out to accompany the cheeses and deli meats. And he liked it. Even asked for more. Moreover it was the green chutney one not the plum one, which might, in fact, have almost tasted like jam. We did not tell him it was chutney and let him believe it was jam.

Which is interesting from the 'expectation is everything' point of view because we were both expecting jam and both got chutney and yet he liked it, and I was repelled. But for me it just had to be jam didn't it? Chutney was way beyond my early morning expectation. And it's not that I don't like chutney - even this one. In fact I'm quite proud of it and have not just added to marinades and other such things, but have also tasted it alongside cheese.

However, I had been expecting jam and so my befuddled mind started wondering what jam it was. Was it an as yet untested jam - the four fruit variety from the other day, had the jam I had been eating happily for a few days gone off for some strange reason or was it the fig jam from my friend which I had anticipated not liking because I really don't like figs?

Or do I? For my dislike of figs stems from some revolting pudding that we used to be served for school 'dinners'. And that was made with dried figs. I think my mother might have had some and I tasted them once, with a similar disgust. And so, in my head I detested figs. Well I did once taste some small dried wild figs that I did actually quite like. I have never, ever tasted a fresh fig, even thought they are aesthetically pleasing to the eye and everyone around me seems to love them. The dried figs I remember did not look quite as tempting as the ones in the picture above. They were drier, but they were flat like these.

It's almost a visceral fear I have of figs. A bit like milk, which used to make me gag when a child and forced to drink it at school. I should have just thrown it up. But that memory means that although I can now tolerate a flavoured milk shake, and positively love cream, I still cannot come at drinking straight milk, however, pretty it looks. So I am not lactose intolerant. I'm guessing that this is the same is David's repulsion by prawns. He must have had some bad experience a long, long time ago, although it might also just be a visual thing - he does always mention the beady black eyes on stalks. Although he has extended this to all other shellfish.

Like me and eels, which we used to see in tanks outside a fishmonger's in the town where I grew up. This is the closest I could find to what we saw. In our case there was a large shallow tank on the pavement with eels inside it. Lots of them - black, slimy and wriggling. My sister mentioned them just the other day as one of the - yes - frightening - things of childhood.

For childhood apparently is where most of these extreme aversions to particular foods are formed. Which, of course, is not surprising. I guess when young Stanley said he liked my 'jam' he would not have tasted many jams, and I guess there was a minor sweetness to the chutney and it certainly looks like jam. And we all told him it was jam. So he thought it was jam. Like the spinach my aunt fed to us once, knowing that we didn't like it although we hadn't actually ever had much of it, so she told us it was cabbage - which we did like. Actually it tasted a bit weird to me, and it didn't look quite right either - darker in colour - but nevertheless I guess I trusted her and I ate it. I didn't love it, but I didn't hate it either. And she did tell us afterwards. I think I was quite impressed by the trick.

And today, people like Jamie Oliver teach us how to trick our children into eating more vegetables - children notoriously don't like vegetables. This is his 7-veg tomato sauce which he has become a little bit famous for, although I'm betting that many mothers have been doing similar things since time immemorial.

I do it sometimes with anchovies - which David - and a lot of other people too - hates with a passion. A tiny bit in a sauce or a dressing gives that extra touch of umami that is indefinable and not tasteable for its own sake.

Mostly however, it's all to do with familiarity is it not? Otherwise an English child would eat foods from other countries, that they would push away in disgust if offered it at home. And vice-versa.

So as you grow you have to encourage an adventurous palate - at least try things, and maybe, just maybe you will like them. Like these snails that I was sort of forced to try when David and I went to Paul Bocuse's restaurant just outside Lyons for my fiftieth birthday. It was the 'free' amuse bouche - snails in a buttery herby sauce - and I think we both paused. But it was an expensive meal and we were a tiny bit overawed I think and so I at least tasted them - and oh my -they were delicious. I cannot remember now whether David even tried them. I haven't tried them again, but actually they are the one dish I remember from that long ago meal, although I do remember the occasion quite vividly.

For the various aspects of this post I tried to find appropriate quotes from somewhere, but much to my horror really, mostly the only source that came close was Google AI - like this one:

"where familiarity breeds liking, and by removing the negative label of "I don't like it," you allow your taste buds and brain to simply experience the flavors, textures, and aromas, finding pleasure in the unknown, which can lead to an "acquired taste" AI

And yes, you can train yourself to like things. Eggplant is one of those things for me. Which I think I first encountered in ratatouille when I was working as an au pair in Grenoble. This was a regular dish from the lady of the house and so I sort of had to eat it - and found that I actually liked it - indeed I even came to love it although she always forgot to add any salt.

AI also pointed me in the direction of something called the 'Mere exposure" effect:

"a psychological phenomenon by which people tend to develop a liking or disliking for things merely because they are familiar with them."

It applies to people too! But it didn't quite fit so I gave up on that.

After a lot of browsing I also found that nobody really, really knows why people like some things and don't like others. It all comes down to personal preference. Yes there are reasons why we might avoid some things - a warning of poison perhaps, and there do seem to be some genes that might, for example, cause you to hate coriander, but overall it's just down to what we like - and most people unfortunately like things that are bad for them - sugar and fat. So you need a bit of knowledge too.

None of which really explains why if you are expecting jam and you get chutney you are in mild shock. The reddit commenter whose words head this post - tried to explain, I think, that your brain was gearing you up for the jam, and so when you got chutney your brain had a hissy fit. But you know - I ate it. I think I was too well brought up to eat everything on my plate, and to at least try things I did not know. And too polite not to offend the person who had offered it to you.

So maybe I should try Helen's fig jam - or a fresh fig. Nigel adores fig jam - he describes Turkish fig jam as 'often sublime' and fig preserves as 'some of the most luscious to be had', so why wouldn't I like it? I really should give it a go - and if I don't like it I can always put bits of it in things like marinades, and sauces. Maybe boil it down to make a kind of fig paste for guests. I saw some in the supermarket today.

Not that this in any way explains why unknowingly eating chutney instead of jam should have been so unsettling.

Perhaps it was just because it was the morning.

THE FRIDGE THING

Once again I have made little progress. The aim this time was to use up the leftover kataifi pastry in a pie of cheese, ham and onion. Alas there are only two of us, and I had more than enough kataifi, so I have to think of something else to do with it. There was a bit of leftover pie as well, so yet another plate in the fridge. I did finish one of the two Christmas hams though and the last of the crème fraîche went into the pie filling with the last of the grated Parmesan. That's only temporary however - the Parmesan will be refreshed next time we have pasta.

YEARS GONE BY

January 7

2025 - Nothing

2024 - Then, now - national dishes - Denmark

2023 - An almost perfect tomato tart

2022 - So very today

2021 - Missing

2020 - Perfection - a family story

2019 - Nothing -

2018 - Nothing

2017 - Bert Greene on beetroots (beets)