Too young

Today we received the news that our friend Malcolm - on the left - had died. Which apart from the sadness, and the concern for his widow, made me realise that I had not marked the death of another old friend - Ken - on the right, who died back in March, and whose passing I have not noted. So I have decided to honour them together today.

And yes this is nothing to do with food - or drink - although I do note that Malcolm is holding a glass of Italian red wine as we sat together in the sunshine in the Tuscan countryside back in 2007. And of course over the many, many years we have spent many happy times together over a shared meal. But they were part of our lives. Friends.

Friends come and go. Mostly they play a large part in our lives for a period of time during which we meet often and in depth as it were. As we move on - either geographically, or from job to job, age to age - the friendship may fade away completely in the sense that they are never seen again. Never forgotten of course, but not part of our ongoing life. Others, may fade a little into the distance but contact is retained to a lesser or greater degree and Ken and Malcolm fit into this category. They have never disappeared completely. So just a tiny bit of what they meant to us.

In order of time. Ken and Sharen were building their first house at the same time as us. They lived next door but one. They were not even married when their building began. Sharen was young, under 20 anyway, and Ken a little older. Theirs was an office romance and since Ken had a more senior role, it is a romance would possibly have not been allowed in today's over cautious times. I would think that a vast majority of long marriages, began in a workplace somewhere. Their first daughter was born a little after my first son and so for their first few years they often played together - in the company of all the other small children of our circle of the time.

But we moved to Donvale, still keeping in regular touch, then to Adelaide - where they visited us once. Back in Melbourne we regained physical contact, and continued to meet intermittently, over the years, through family tragedies for them, and difficulties for all. Sadly the contact, as with all of our friends, as we have aged and are less willing to journey far, has become more and more intermittent. And now Ken - one of the kindest, most unassuming of men - a true gentleman in every sense of the word - has gone after a long struggle with cancer.

At his funeral it was obvious that Ken had been much loved, and much admired. I realised that I had not really known him very well. I suppose, because being female I had bonded much more with Sharen than with him. I learnt a lot more about him there, than I had in our many years of friendship And now he is gone. He was too young.

As for Malcolm. I think he would have been even younger. And here is a cautionary tale for all the men in your life who insist on climbing ladders. For Malcolm was up a ladder painting, and he fell. Ironically we were about to travel to Noosa, where they now lived, for a week or so with he and his wife Liz, when that devastating piece of news came through. His injuries were multiple and included losing a piece of his skull. He has been struggling for several months now - from time to time looking as if he would eventually recover, but alas, today we received the tragic news that he has lost the battle.

Malcolm was a workmate of David's although always based in Sydney. But he and his wife Liz, became good friends, whom we did not see often, but when we did it was 'quality' time if you will. Travels to Sydney, visits from them to our Gatehouse in the garden, holidays in France and Italy together, which eventuated in them buying a small village house in St. Antonin Noble Val, not far from Albi, where they spent the French summers for the last decade or so. In the process they became members of the community there - not just the visiting British and Australians - learning French and taking part in various community activities. A year or so ago they finally sold their house, in an effort to see other parts of France, which they had come to love.

It was a beautiful village and it was also our last week-long stay in France, before a few B&B stops on our way to NIce airport and home. But prior to that we have spent time with them in Tuscany and also in Provence, where we came to realise the very close bond that existed between the two of them, as they would often go off and do their own thing during the day, before joining with the rest of us for an evening get-together.

These two marriages have been - at least from an outside view - two of the strongest I have known. Although it must be said, that virtually all of our long-time friends are still married. Such strong ties must mean sheer devastation to their wives left behind, and my heart goes out to them.

Two special men, sadly lost now to their families and their wide circles of friends.

"People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou