Things that scare me in the kitchen
- rosemary
- 6 days ago
- 6 min read
"The fact is that cookery is not risk free. It involves fire and knives. While the possibility of injury may decrease with experience, the likelihood of it happening increases because of repetition." Jay Rayner/The Guardian
This is actually a piece of street art but I've edited out the walls around it - an interesting picture for the street - but it's actually the best I've found so far to illustrate my theme of the day I think.
I'm pretty sure that Jay Rayner's observation about experience versus repetition probably applies to a whole host of other professions and activities, but the kitchen is one with which just about everyone is familiar.
I was reminded of this by looking at this small burn on my hand - apologies for the very gruesome close-up of my very old hand, but it's very tricky taking a photograph of your hand with the other one - and I am indeed very old. Perhaps I should be very proud of the fact that I don't actually have a lot of kitchen battle scars. Although perhaps it's bad luck to say such a thing.
The burn was an accidental one from the oven as I removed or put in something. I probably stretched over the shelf a bit and burnt it on the shelf above, or else I grazed the shelf from the side. This is a thing I do from time to time. The burns are never very large and mostly at the time it happens I just carry on - the most I do - as with this one is to put on a bit of Savlon. Am I scared of my oven? Not really - although I have indeed got to a stage in my life with the Christmas turkey, which is very heavy, of asking for help with getting it out of the oven. And I am indeed conscious of the need to avoid touching anything.
There are a few things in my kitchen however, that which don't exactly scare me, but which I don't like doing or that I approach with caution. I suppose the one shown below is a common one and yes, I have occasionally slightly grazed my knuckles with the last bit of cheese - or whatever else it is I'm grating. When I was looking for a suitable photograph I don't think I saw one of how exactly I hold it - The left-hand picture is the nearest I could find. I did see several pictures of people just holding it in the air above a bowl whilst they grated, which seemed silly to me. The grater needs to be held rock solid on to a firm surface or you have no control. It's OK for one of those microplanes and Parmesan but not for serious grating. However, it seems that these days, people recommend that you lay it flat on the bench:
Sure that may be easier and maybe it even makes less mess, but I really don't see how it escapes the danger of those last few strokes where the accidents happen. What I generally do is flatten my hand as I get to the end of the piece, bending my fingers back, so that it's really just the palm holding the cheese, or the vegetable in place. Or else, if it's too hard I just don't grate the last piece and either eat it - carrots and cheese - or throw the larger piece in anyway. If it's cheese that's going to melt in some way then it doesn't matter. Nevertheless I am always a bit nervous as I reach the end of what I'm grating - and I still do occasionally grate my knuckles. But never a large slice of flesh. So far.
Then there's the mandoline, which even chefs seem to be scared of. I'm not really, but then I don't use it that often. And when I do I use the guard, and throw away or eat the last pieces, which are too thick, as with the box grater.
I suppose the problem comes when you are slicing something small like these radishes. Now that's tricky. But fundamentally I would just use the same technique as with the box grater. Don't worry about that last slice. Or use a small knife instead.
I am much more nervous about chopping peeled tomatoes. They slide all over the place and suddenly your knife slips, the tomato slips and you've cut your finger not the tomato. It's possibly because I generally like to keep all the juice and the seeds, and so I slice them on a plate, which is slipperier than a wooden chopping board. If you do it on a board, I guess they don't slip quite as much but there is still some slip because the slices slide over each other. And you lose half the juice. Suffice to say I don't t like doing it, and I don't really see an easier way - even if I knew how to slice and dice professionally. Which I don't.
Children in the kitchen - I don't really like to think about this one. And fortunately those days are over for me, as a mother and as a grandmother. The potential mess involved - as you see here is the least of your worries really and I'm sure you can think of horrendous disasters. Suffice to say, never leave a child alone in a kitchen and when they are there watch them like a hawk.
Which brings me to my next fear - flames - because - long ago now - I had a friend in Adelaide who had a really, really bad accident with flames, due to something - I cannot quite remember what now - flames and a frying pan and a child nearby? ... but it resulted in almost deathly burns to my friend. So this kind of thing does happen.
So I am scared of flames and try to avoid them. If a recipe asks you to set alight to some brandy say - I approach with extreme caution. I really don't like doing it. Sometimes I stand so far back from potential flames that I either drop the match in the food or it doesn't ignite anyway. I do have a blow torch and I have, successfully done the crème brulée thing - but it alarms me. The fear here is more of the blow torch exploding, however, than of the flames themselves. As for those massive flames that expert stir friers seem to love making - why would you?
Speaking of the fear of explosions - I have never been able to overcome a probably completely unnecessary fear of pressure cookers. I have never owned one and never will.
I think I am a pretty careful cook. You read about absolutely horrifying accidents that happen, but most of them are completely avoidable if you are careful. Really I think it's fear of failure that is my worst fear in the kitchen. It's not exactly scary though is it? But it does leave a mark - although not a mark that can be seen.
I have seen a lot of quotes like the one below:
"They are my life in the kitchen, written on the body, the physical marks of someone who has diced vegetables and chopped onions, fretted over stock pots and poked at roasts, tasted sauces, deep fried and charred and blitzed." Jay Rayner/The Guardian
And most of them come from male chefs and seeem to be almost said in pride as if it's an achievement to have almost cut your finger off whilst slicing onions, Such a male thing.
Anyway - for me I think it's chopping peeled tomatoes.
THE FRIDGE THING
I got rid of a large jar of sauerkraut - well half of the jar - which went into a pork braise together with some wine which was unexpectedly and not nicely sweet. Some also went into a potato gratin, but this was not a success because the potatoes weren't really cooked through so it was back into the dish to be heated up on another day. One step forward, one step back.
YEARS GONE BY
January 15
2025 - A disagreement with NIgel
2023 - Grilled fish Bali style
2021 - Missing
2017 - Sunshine
The kitchen is a dangerous place - that's for sure. So is the tool shed and the garden! 😱